


Heave, ho! A Christmas life for me: An Oxventure Tale

by tnnyoh



Category: D&D - Fandom, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Oxventure
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Holidays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-24 05:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17095133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tnnyoh/pseuds/tnnyoh
Summary: The oxventurer's are invited to a town that claims to be oppressed, will they be able to save the town in time for the holidays? Or will they find themselves in yet another ridiculous adventure?It's the second one.





	1. PROLOGUE

“ **T** hat was absolutely insane” Corazón yelled ecstatically as the group hauled their loot back to the ship from the Cave of Fortunes “I cannot believe we found _that_ much gold in there”

“Not just gold, either” Merilwen said, equally as happy as Corazón “But little charms for my necklaces”

“And new music for me to play!” Dob added, so happy that he didn’t notice the others groaning at the mention of his music.

As they boarded the ship again, they each dumped the loot wherever they could for sorting purposes later on, Corazón pulled a note off the steering wheel “Someone was on my ship, guys”

“Did they leave presents?”

“No, they left a note…”

Dob, Egbert, Merilwen and Prudence stopped going through the bags of treasure (and in Egbert’s case, absolute junk, but he was happy nevertheless) to stand near Corazón while he read out the note

“ _To whom it may concern,_

_I am aware this ship belongs to the fabled Coraniz Del Belmont and his crew, I would like to extend an invitation to my homeland, the townspeople have suffered so very much under the rule of oppression. I risked my life escaping in the hopes of finding someone who would be able to help._

_I have heard of your stories, the Spicy Rat Caper, the way you took down a giant mechanical beetle all by yourself with no help from anyone at all-_ “

“Corazón!” Prudence interrupted “You’re not allowed to publish those penny dreadfuls anymore if you’re going to leave everyone else's involvement out of them!”

“Fine, fine. I’ll credit someone else, but just… be really nice so I know who to credit when I write down this obvious adventure”

“Finish reading,” Dob said, nervously biting his nails “I want to know if the writer found help after all”

Corazón and Egbert shared a look that seemed to say “God, that Dob sure is an idiot”

“ _I know that you, a man of the sea, will be able to help my home and rid it of the evil that plagues it._

_Eternally grateful_

_S.T_ “

“Well, what do you say?” Corazón said, folding the letter up and putting it in one of the many pouches on his outfit “He’s mapped out the way there. Do you think we should go rid some town of evil?”

“Does he mean like…actual evil?”

“Like magical evil?”

“Who knows what he means, and also who cares. We’re going to find a lot of gold somewhere”

“We just found a lot of gold, over there” Egbert pointed to the cave opening, which was still visible from the deck of the ship

“I’m a pirate, I’m always looking for gold. Sweet sweet doubloons.” He squinted as he looked up at the sun “I’d say we have at least three hours of light left, and we’re going to need to leave now if we want to get there before dark”

He gave one last look at his crew and frowned “Are you guys in, or what?”

“I’m in,” Merilwen said “It sounds like these people really need our help, and I never turn away from helping people in need”

“Really?” Corazón asked “I thought you just cared about nature and stuff”

“I can care about more than one thing, if these people are truly as troubled as this letter suggests, I’m intrigued to find out more”

Dob, Egbert, and Prudence nodded

“Plus,” Prudence said as Corazón started the process of getting his ship ready to sail out “We can kill more people”

“Uh” Merilwen interjected, “Can we maybe, possibly keep the murder to a minimum this time?”

“Totally,” Prudence said, flexing her fingers and smirking to herself “One hundred percent going to not murder anyone”

“Yes, as we set sail out to yet another adventure we must remember something about… gold, get as much as you can”

“Murder” Merilwen reminded him

“Right, let’s murder as many people as we can! Heave ho!”

 


	2. A Problem, Mister?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group arrive at the village of Wrightrot to further investigate the mysterious letter left on their ship, and get involved in a scuffle at a local pub.

The skies darkened as the ship sailed smoothly through the calm waters, a mix of dark purples and blues. Corazón pulled out his spyglass and pointed it out over the water “Looks like we’re almost there” He said “I can see the docks from here”

“What do they look like?” Egbert asked, peering over Corazón’s shoulder, and causing him to drop the spyglass and let out a sustained scream.

“Ah! Egbert” He shouted “Don’t…. don’t do that! Pop up behind someone like that, what the hell mate?!”

“Oh, sorry. I sometimes forget I’m a six-foot dragon and that might be alarming to some people”

“It’s… it’s fine” Corazón said, clutching at his heart “just… the important thing is nobody lost their composure”

“Cor, I don’t think you have composure,” Dob said from the deck as he lazily strummed his lute “I’ve never seen you composed”

Corazón was still trying to regain his breath, and his scaly dragon friend stepped away from the steering wheel, heading over to inspect Dob’s lute playing.

“Excuse me? I’m a suave and charismatic pirate. I’m _so_ composed”

“I have a question”

“Yes, Dob?”

“Does that ‘charisma’ thing actually work for you? Because I’ve literally seen you trip over your words every time you open your mouth”

“Hey! I have.. I’m… it’s my sea legs!” He shouted defensively

Merilwen, who was playing Prudence in a game of Liar’s Dice, started to giggle until she dissolved entirely into a fit. Prudence and the others joined in.

Corazón pulled his hat down over his face and sunk down behind the wheel of the ship, muttering some incoherent swear words and pulling out a flask to drink from.

Egbert, Prudence, and Dob continued their loud laughter at Corazón’s expense, but the wood elf frowned and pushed up from the low wooden seat she had occupied, coming over to sit behind the steering wheel next to him.

He didn’t look in her direction, content with muttering and glaring out at the water. She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder in a show of comfort.

“Corazón?” She asked in a quiet voice “What’s wrong?”

“Nobody thinks I’m cool”

“You know that’s not true, we all think you’re really cool! You did that really neat thing last week, and remember all the cool things you’ve done on our adventures?”

“Psh, you don’t have to humor me. I know you all think I’m a weird…handsome, but also stupid… pirate”

“You’re not even a pirate though,” Dob said, he looked as if he were going to continue but Egbert nudged him in the side as hard as he could muster, causing him to nearly drop his lute.

“He’s right” Corazón huffed “I’m not even a pirate, I’m just a… a guy… I’m a guy rat”

Merilwen shook her head and comfortingly pat his shoulder “No! You’re not a guy rat, you’re… You’re an amazing adventurer. We wouldn’t have been able to do any of this stuff without you”

“Really?” He asked, his tone incredulous “What adventure, _pray tell_ , would have been impossible without me? The spicy rat caper?”

“Yes!” Merilwen said “You’re the one who noticed the rat in the first place”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who can talk to animals, I can just… catch them or kick them”

Merilwen, who was trying to remain a comfort to her friend, also seemed to flinch at the reminder of Corazón punting a chicken across the room with his foot.

“What about that time we fought Dob’s evil doppelganger in that crypt?” Prudence asked from the Liar’s Dice table.

“You’d have done fine without me there too, I thought it was dwarven runes”

“I still can’t believe Prudence tried to flirt with evil Dob” Egbert mused, clearly having moved on from the conversation about Corazón

“Right?” Dob agreed “I thought it was weird”

“Watch it boys,” Prudence said, a crackling of blue started creeping around her fingertips.

As the rest of the crew involved themselves with other things and other conversations, Merilwen still remained by Corazón’s side in silence. She sighed as she looked at the others chatting joyously and having fun

“Just go,” Corazón said, “I need to dock the ship soon anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Look, I’m cool, I’m just..” He shifted uncomfortably “You were all making fun of me and it made me feel really…bad?”

“I know, I’m sorry,” She said “I didn’t mean to laugh at you I just.. you said ‘sea legs’ in reference to talking”

“I’m really cool though, like you believe me right?”

“I’m being completely honest when I say you are the coolest pirate that I’ve ever met” She rose from the ship floors and extended her hand to her friend “Come up, let's get the ship docked so we can have ourselves an adventure”

“Thanks, Merilwen.”

“I’ll tell the others to be nice to you”

“Tell them I’m cool, too,” he asked, grabbing the steering wheel with one hand and adjusting his hat with the other

“I think they already know” Merilwen shook her head and joined the others on the deck.

* * * * *

“Here we are,” Corazón said, docking the ship into the harbor “the village of Wrightrot”

“Sounds disgusting,” Egbert said “Love it already”

“So, this letter doesn’t really give much information besides… horrible oppression and terrible music”

“When does he mention music?”

“He doesn’t, I can hear it from here and it’s bad” Corazón stepped off the ship and the others followed suit “I guess there’s not much to do except go to the local pub”

“You pirates and your alcohol, isn’t there anything you can do besides getting tanked?” Prudence said with a scoff

“No, nothing. But also, the letter says ‘go to the local pub’” he shook the letter in her face as if to prove his point.

“How much was in that letter? I thought you read it all out” said Dob who was struggling to remove his foot from what appeared to be a thick mud pile on the docks but what smelled suspiciously like manure.

“It’s got like..six pages and most of them are bad drawings. Although, this one is good” He pulled out a page with a drawing depicting a pirate.

“Is that supposed to be you?” Prudence asked “Because you don’t have a peg leg”

“Or that big of a beard”

“Or two eye-patches”

“Okay, so maybe he doesn’t know what I look like. Or possibly has never seen a pirate in his entire life. But we still owe it to ourselves to find out if he or any of his family has gold”

“How much do you reckon Cor drew that himself?” Dob asked Prudence, who was getting ready to reply when Corazón spotted the pub.

“Right across the street, we should get in there and find out some secrets”

“Do you really think if they are secrets, anyone is going to tell us anything?” Said Merilwen, coming up to walk beside Egbert and Corazón.

“Well, no… But get a couple drinks in someone and they’ll basically tell you anything you want”

The gang crossed the street, Dob who was more wary of big piles of ‘mud’ this time around, causing him to walk slower than the rest of them. When they approached the pub, Corazón turned to the group.

“Let me do the talking, okay? I know what these kinds of people are like. I know how to smooth talk ‘em”

Dob and Prudence exchanged a look and a quiet snicker, Egbert, on the other hand, gave Corazón a huge pat on the back in support, or what Corazón assumed was supposed to be a pat but was actually a full-fledged smack.

“Ow…” He bit his bottom lip as the stinging grew more intense “What do you have on your hands, Egbert? That bloody burns!”

“Oh, sorry…” Egbert removed his hand from the rogue and blew it out “I sneezed on my hand earlier and it was still on fire”

Corazón looked as if he were going to respond, but thought better of it and rolled his eyes as he pushed through the doors of the pub. The atmosphere was thick with smoke and the smell of bitters as the various patrons of the establishment were involving themselves in drinking games, knife stabbing games, and other pass-times.

Corazón’s eyes darted around the place, looking for someone who was likely to know the most and be willing to talk about it, the mix of horrible smells was making his eyes hurt and he blinked for a minute, the next moment a large man had his hand on Corazón’s shoulder, though it didn’t burn like Egbert’s flame hands, there was a tightness to it that meant the man was no stranger to threatening people who walked into a pub.

“What’s your name, friend?” He asked in a gravelly sort of drawl, slow and intimidating, but Corazón wasn’t afraid.

“I’m more interested in _your_ name, since you seem to be friendly enough with me to touch me. How about buying a guy a drink first?”

He looked around and his friends were still right behind him, Dob looking worried and Prudence looking like she was ready to Eldrich Blast the first thing in sight, which just happened to be the man who had his hand on Corazón’s shoulder.

“What did you just call me?”

“I didn’t _call_ you anything, but if I were to.. I would likely call you a right old sea bass, because your breath… it smells like fish”

The man leaned in closer as if he were a partially blind man trying to look at an ant “Whaddya know, a pirate” he said, “Think your all sorts of clever, don’t ya?”

“Whooo, there’s that fishy smell again. You mind getting at least a few inches away from my face?”

“I’ll get even closer to your face buddy, I’ll get so close that these other lovely folks won’t know if we’re kissing or I’m about to murder you”

True to his words, the man stepped close enough to Corazón to cause the disgusting smell of his breathe to go up his nose and make his eyes water even more than the smell of the pub.

“Alright, I’m going to give you one warning” Corazón said, struggling not to cough

“Oooo, you hear that everyone? This pirate here thinks he’s threatening. He’s going to give me a warning!” Many of the patrons were now watching the pair and waiting with anticipation on who was going to get hurt first, a few of them in the back laughed at the man’s mocking words.

“Mate, I really don’t want to have to hurt you but if you don’t get the hell away from my face, we’re going to have a problem”

“Pirate got anger issues? Why don’t you go join Polly and have a cracker” The man laughed raucously causing spittle to fly from his mouth and onto Corazón’s face.

Prudence stepped forward past the fidgeting Dob and stood beside Corazón, she didn’t say a word but her fingers crackled with arcane energy, the man looked at her for a moment but then turned his attention back to Corazón.

“This guy bothering you, Cor?” She asked with a smirk on her face

“Leave it to me”

With an effortless motion, Corazón retrieved his rapier and pushed it down into the man’s boot, causing his eyes to go wide as he backed up in pain “Aw you got a little toy! How cute” He grabbed Corazón by the arm and threw his rapier to the floor “But you’re just a pirate, not a real threat” He flung him across the room into some of the tables, causing them to break and some patron’s to back up further into the wall. The man walked slowly over to Corazón, stopping along the way to pick up the rapier. He poked at Corazón’s foot with it.

“This thing is useful, actually. I owe you an apology.” He lifted the blade to Corazón’s face and made a large cut going down to his neck “There we go!” He said cheerfully “What kind of pirate gets cut by their own rapier?”

“This kind” Corazón said, kicking the man with both legs as hard as he could muster, the man lost his balance and toppled over, Corazón took this chance to get up off the floor and make a grab for his rapier, he gripped on tightly and placed his boot right on the man’s chest.

Everyone in the pub was quiet, waiting with bated breath, Dob and the others were cowering by the door while the bartender was ducked behind the bar. Corazón looked back to the man, who was now wide-eyed

“But you… you’re just a _pirate_ ” He stammered

“I gave you a warning” Corazón reminded him, holding the rapier tightly with one hand while the other hand wiped away the blood from his cheek “But I’m going to be nice and let you make a decision…”

“What’s that?”

“Either you run, or this blade gets plunged into your heart” He twirled the rapier in the air and a glint of light from the wall mounted torches reflected in the smooth metal surface.

“I think I’ll take the first one” The man stammered nervously

“I thought you might,” Corazón said, he removed his foot from the man’s chest, he didn’t even bother to stand up before rushing out of the pub hunched over and groaning in pain. Unsurprisingly, the patron’s quickly resumed their seats and the tavern bards returned to the atmospheric music, singing a song about a poor girl living out of an alley.

“That was amazing!” Dob said, finally rising from his crouched position and coming up behind Corazón, “Sorry I didn’t join ya, buddy. Prudence said you didn’t want help”

“I totally didn’t, I’m a fine and capable pirate.”

Egbert laughed heartily “You don’t have to prove anything to us Cor, we were just teasing you earlier, that’s what friends do. We don’t mean anything by it”

“Yeah,” Merilwen said “It’s all good fun”

“But honestly,” Dob said “That was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen”

Corazón waved away the praise as if it were a small but not entirely unwelcome bug “It’s all in the wrist” he placed the rapier back in its sheath located on his belt “But in all honesty, can someone please get me a cloth? I’m bleeding all over the place”

“Why not just..” Dob began “I can use a spell to heal you”

“Wait!” Corazón grabbed his hand to stop him “Don’t… I want to see if it scars and then I’ll be a badass like Merilwen over there”

“You know, it’s not fun to have a cut scar like this,” She said, pointing at the scar on her face that she had received from an angry goblin.

“You didn’t deny the badass thing”

“Well of course not,” She said, her eyes twinkling

“So we should get a table, huh?” Dob said

“Yeah, get a table. We’ll have a drink and then figure out what all this nonsense in the letter is about”

“This place doesn’t seem so oppressed,” Prudence said “I mean, I’ve seen oppression, these people are allowed to walk in the streets without getting whipped”

“When you say you’ve seen it, do you mean that you did it sometimes?”

“I haven’t done it that much, Kind of still new at that” She shrugged

“Excuse me,” A voice behind them said “I don’t mean to pry” They eyed Corazón “Especially since this guy seems unhinged… But I can’t help but overhear your conversation, who told you this place was oppressed?”

“Not _this_ place,” Corazón said, retrieving a letter from his pocket “But I got a letter from someone who claims to be from Wrightrot” He handed the man the letter, he quickly read over it and his face turned a shade of pale that could be comparable to midday clouds.

“How about you and your friends join me at my table,” He said, Corazón looked at the others and they all nodded in agreement.

“Dob, bring ‘em over here” He yelled over to the bar where his orcish friend was currently struggling to remove the coins from his coin pouch. The four of them sat down around the man’s table and he put his hands down in front of him.

“So, I know what this man is talking about,” He said, looking around “It’s uh… every year around this time, there’s an event”

Dob interrupted the man by coming over with the mugs of ale, which he placed in front of each of his friends and took a seat himself “What did I miss?” He asked

“Uh, I was just telling your comrades here that the letter is referring to a yearly event” He took a large gulp of his own drink “So our… uh, our king gets rather bored throughout the year and we usually have festivals around this time to celebrate the winter solstice. It involves a mass of people and a..well, rather a lot of oxes.”

“Ox…mass?” Dob asked, swirling his drink around in the tankard

“Yes, exactly! How have you heard of our merry festival of Oxmass?” The man said with a smile, which fell soon after “But… Oxmass hasn’t been the same since our new king. He uh, he didn’t really care for the regular festivities and uh, well he sort of has a lot of rules…”

“What are they?” Corazón asked, watching the man fidget with his drink

“I.. I can’t say, it’s… well, you’ll find out later. Tonight is the night he delivers his yearly Oxmass speech to uh… start off the season”

“That’s convenient,” Dob said with a grin, nudging Prudence in the side and spilling ale on the sleeve of her outfit

“Dob!” She said, “Will you pay attention?!”

“Sorry, let me clean that for you,” Dob said, closing his eyes for a moment. Prudence looked at her sleeve again and it was clean and dry

“Nice,” She said

“You want me to flavour it?” Dob asked eagerly

Prudence raised her eyebrows “No, I’m… I’m good, thanks”

The man cleared his throat “Anyway, I’ll uh… I’ll see you all later at the village square. That’s where the king will be” He rose from the table “My names Walter Dink, by the way.” He held out a hand, which Corazón shook firmly

“Name’s Corazón,” He said

The man nodded “Guess I’ll… go…” He turned around and spun on his foot to leave as fast as humanly possible.

“He seemed like he was in a hurry” Egbert noted

“Guys, there’s something more going on here… This king sounds like some sort of sketchy character”

“I just… want to put my coins on the table here and ask… Does anyone else think it’s just going to end up being M. Chanail again?” Dob asked, looking around the table nervously

“Nah,” Corazón said “He’s totally dead. I remember when he died and how dead he was, totally dead. We don’t have to worry about that guy anymore”

“Right, well even if we don’t have to worry about him.. What do you think is going on here?”

“Well, they said he was a newly appointed king… So he must have some kind of complex, a new guy comes in… thinks he can change time-honored traditions. What a scumbag”

“Do you think the townspeople will pay us if we kill him?”

“I’m betting on it” Corazón grinned

Merilwen took a small sip of ale and looked at her friends “Do we really have to murder anyone this time?”

“I mean, talking nicely doesn’t usually work with power-hungry despots,” Corazón said “Not… usually. Unless you let me do the talking”

“Corazón, we just saw how violent your ‘talking’ was to that man in here earlier, I don’t think that’s any better than outright murder”

“Hey! I didn’t kill that guy, and also he deserved it. He smelled like fish and kept breathing in my face”

“Maybe that guy was right though, you seem to have some anger problems,” Prudence said, Dob nodded in agreement

“I do not have….” Corazón started to say angrily, but then he took a breath and leveled his tone “I do not have anger problems, I have stupid people problems.”

“How do you explain when you broke that tankard on the ship?”

“I dropped it”

“You threw it an hour into our fishing because you couldn’t catch any fish” Dob reminded him “And also, you have a serious competitive streak that nobody likes”

“ _Everyone_ is competitive”

“You made us have a ship race to see who would sail it faster and then complained when Merilwen was faster”

“She was cheating!”

“None of this is in the spirit of Oxmass, you guys…” Merilwen said softly “This is a season about.. presumably friendship, family and oxes.”

“Ya reckon we should actually find out what Oxmass is?” Egbert asked

“Might be good, I mean… it might involve the slaughter of those little animals and I… I’ll do anything with you guys, but if it involves hurting an animal in any way, I’ll head back to the ship”

“Oh, back to _my_ ship is it? Going to sneak off to do some ‘practice’ so you can beat me in the next race, is it?”

“Actually, we should all head to the ship until tonight,” Egbert said “Get ready for whatever the king’s speech is”

“Good idea,” Corazón said, now completely composed but still glaring in Merilwen’s direction as they all rose from the table and headed back to the ship until evening.


End file.
